Yeah, shocked us too!
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| This is how we announced it on our social media accounts. |
Ok, so, if you've been following our story for very long at all, you would know that we had a really heartbreaking miscarriage back in October. We had been trying for 2 1/2 years [at that point] without any luck and so we had turned to a commonly used fertility drug named Clomid to help us out. First try, I'm pregnant. But just a few weeks later, while we were on vacation, we miscarried.
After my hCG levels got back down to normal, my doctor said wait one or two cycles and try again.
And that left us between what we felt was a rock and a hard place. It's always my intention to be as honest as I can possibly be in everything I do, which includes this blog. My motto is "open your mouth and speak the absolute truth, or keep it shut. Dancing around the truth helps no one." Don't ask my opinion unless you want it straight down the line. After we got the go ahead to try again, we weren't even sure that we really wanted to. We seriously talked about the idea of
not trying again. Of
not having children. Wouldn't be so bad, just the two of us, we decided. If it happened, it happened, and that was that.
Fast forward to the first full week of January. I was tired, but I assumed it was just from the rush of the holidays and the stress of getting Christmas taken down and put away. Besides, Aaron's birthday was the 11th, I had a family party to plan. On the 11th, we went out to eat at Longhorn and I surprised myself by only eating 3 bites of a tiny 6 oz. steak. I was starving when I got there and then the second I started eating, I was done. Not unusual considering my appitite on Metformin is drastically different from the way it was before. I wondered off and on all day if maybe I might could be pregnant. My period was 11 days late at that point. But that was nothing unusual either. I'd go for months at a time without a period. Everything was unusual and usual.
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| My Big Fat Positive! |
When I woke up the next morning, I just couldn't stand it anymore. So.... I peed on a stick. Real delicate and lady like, ain't I?
heehee. In no time, like less than half a second, I could tell it was positive. And I was floored. It was the funniest wave of emotions I've ever felt in my life. I was stunned. I was excited. I was terrified.
So the first thing I do is call my husband. Poor Aaron. Never saw it coming lol. I texted him. "When are you going to be home for lunch." He responded that his boss bought the whole office pizza and so he wasn't. So I said "Call me ASAP." We text several times throughout the day, but a phone call is never made unless its important. In half a second my phone was ringing. He asked what was going on. I was quiet for a minute, trying to figure out what to say, so I finally just said it. "I'm pregnant." It was like the line went dead. Finally I heard "What?" in his low, drawn out I-can't-believe-it voice. And that's when I started crying.
Next up was my Mom and my best friend. Both of whom already knew. How my Mom already knew I will never know. She said she had a feeling that around the first of the year it would happen. She was right. My best friend knows everything about everything when it comes to my life. We always joke that we are so much more like sisters because we are so alike and so in tune with each other. And she knew too. She's always so supportive whenever I text her and whine about whatever. She's a great ear too. I vented all my worries to her and she assured me that it would all be fine.
After all the announcements were made, I called my doctor and made my first appointment. I was surprised when they made it for two weeks away. We found out
so early last time, and this time I was already 5 weeks [I thought 6 at the time] before I took a test. So then, I was left home alone with this huge secret that I had no idea how to handle.
When Aaron got home that night, we decided to wait to tell the masses until after we had everything checked out by the doctor. At that point my Mom and my best friend already knew. A few days later we told Aaron's Dad, who is the sweetest man on earth and such a great support to us. We weren't even going to tell him, but we wanted his opinion on our idea on how to tell the family, so we told him. Here's the funniest part of all. My Mom cooks a huge dinner every 3rd Sunday. And usually it's just the three of us, plus our pup, Tabby. But this particular Sunday, Aaron's Mom came over to feast with us. When Aaron walked her out to the car later on that evening, she asked him if he'd noticed she kept looking at me all afternoon and asked "She's pregnant, isn't she?" So, in the end, all of our parents knew.
The part that thrilled us, was that we did this completely on our own. No clomid. We got pregnant all on our own, without even really trying. That danged old cliche of "when you're not trying, it'll happen," is true for us. Dang it.
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| Our tiny baby! |
Our first appointment was on January the 28th. We went into the doctors office pretty terrified. The fear of a "missed" miscarriage [some people call it a "silent miscarriage," it's where the baby dies but isn't expelled.] was heavy on my mind. It's like a 1% thing, but I figured if it
could happen, it
would happen to me. I was so thankful that Aaron was with me. I held his hand so tightly in the waiting room, waiting to be called back to Ultrasound. Finally, my name was called. I stripped from the waist down in a very fancy bathroom [vaginal ultrasounds are so much fun....
NOT!] and went back into the room where the tech and Aaron were waiting. I laid back on the table, took a deep breath and said to myself "Lord, help me in whatever is to come." It was less than 5 seconds after the tech got to work that she said "I see baby and I see a strong heartbeat." Aaron, who was sitting in a chair just above my head, said "Are you serious!?" And he grabbed my hand. After what felt like forever, the tech finally turned the screen around and there it was!
Our little miracle that took us 3 years was there, and it was alive! We kept squeezing each other's hands, and I might have even teared up just a little. After the ultrasound, we talked with the doctor who said that everything was looking perfect so far. She estimated my due date to be September 15th, and not the 9th as I had originally calculated. We also determined that I was a week behind what we had thought in the beginning as well. So instead of being 7 weeks 6 days, I was 7 weeks exactly, judging from little one's size. Besides, I don't ovulate on the 14th day of my cycle. It's more like the 18th. And that makes all my dates work out. My dr asked if I was still taking my Metformin, and I said yes, but that I'd dropped it down to one dose a day instead of three, because it was making me extra sick from the south end since I'd been pregnant. I asked if I needed to up it, and she said one dose a day was totally fine. I had blood drawn and did a urine test before we left. And then we went for lunch at Steak n Shake to celebrate! Baby wanted onion rings. Don't judge.
We told Aaron's family, his sisters and their families and his brother and his girlfriend, the next night. We were all together for Aaron's brother's birthday. It's hard to get such a large family together all at once unless its for something like a birthday. So we knew this was our chance. We held it in all night. We kept it to ourselves at the restaurant, although we kind of thought Aaron's Dad might give it away. He seems so excited! Finally, as is tradition in this family, we all made it back to the house for cake and ice cream. We decided we were going to put it in his birthday card and have him open it last. Aaron's brother loves being an uncle, so we knew he wouldn't mind us stealing a little of his birthday thunder. We got one of those cards that has the page inserts, so it's like a piece of paper glued into a card. Aaron signed the card, "Love, Aaron and Missy and....." and drew a big arrow telling him to turn the page where we had taped the ultrasound picture. When his brother read the card and flipped the page everyone started screaming! His sisters jumped up and tackled me! It was a great way to tell. Finally Aaron's Dad could get excited in public! A brand new Baby!
So as far as symptoms go this time around, I've felt pretty great. I had a touch of morning sickness last time, but I've had so little this time it's hard to even note it. And I haven't "gotten sick," at all. I've just been a little sick to my stomach a couple of days. I think I've figured that out. I did a little experiment with myself this week. I skipped a day of Metformin, and spent the entire next day on the couch sick at my stomach. I took a dose before bed last night and woke up this morning feeling good enough to clean the house and do laundry. I don't know if it's proven or not, but I feel like the Metofrmin is helping me to not have any morning sickness! I've had the most sore of sore boobies that you can have. It's not been nice. In fact that was my very first indicatior that I might be pregnant again. I was out shopping with my Mom the Friday before Aaron's birthday and I put my purse strap across my chest and thought I would die when it brushed across my nipple. I'm exhausted, even when I feel good, I'm so tired. My appitite is still funky, but again, I think that's a Metformin thing. I'm not hungry hardly ever. I could live on a bowl of cereal, a lunchable and a PB&J a day. But I'm growing a human, so I can't live on that. And when I
am hungry it's like I haven't eaten in 20 years. Wake me up in the middle of the night starving. I've also dealt with some crazy nasal congestion. I don't know for sure if this is pregnancy related or if it's just the fact that I live in South Central Kentucky and the current weather situation runs like this. "Snow, Sunny and 75, Rain, Snow, Blizzard, Sunny and 75 again." Either way, it's horrible. I wake up once a night not being able to breathe and needing to pee so bad I can barely get to the bathroom. I'm chugging so much water. I have water jugs in every room. No matter where I am, I've got ice water ready to go. I take a Tervis Tumbler full on any car ride. My nails are amazing. My hair is all falling out. So I cut it all off. I have a grown out pixie now. I'm the talk of my town. New hair do and pregnant all in the same week!
Whaaaaaaa? I've dealt with a minor amount of bloating and gas this go around, where as last time it was pretty constant, from the moment of concepetion. I had some constipation early on, which is the direct opposite of life on Metformin. To be honest, I'd rather have things in the express lane out than to have to deal with being constipated. Ugh. Misery. I'm trying to train myself to not sleep on my stomach - the only way I've slept since childhood - and that's been hard on my hips. I've found a happy medium finally, I think and my hips aren't as angry anymore.
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| Me. Outfit made by Mama. |
Seriously, I cannot complain. So far, this pregnancy has been a breeze aside from being so stinking tired. Emotionally I've been kind of in turmoil. Completely freaking out about actually being pregnant and everything actually being alright. But then I look at some people and I'm like "if they can have a kid, I can have a kid." That sounds awful, but it's true. You can't tell me that you've never looked at someone and thought "how are you someone's Mother?" I've been upset about the potential and almost definite changes in my relationship with Aaron. I've been worried that I'm not up for the job. I'm worried about being judged by other Moms. I don't judge. I'm not a judgey person. If I want an opinion I'll ask for it. If you want my opinion, ask. I keep to myself because if I was to open my mouth and say what I was thinking, people wouldn't like it usually. I've been reading a lot about how to be a simple parent. I don't want to over stimulate my child with so many things, because I didn't have a ton of toys as a kid and I turned out fine. I want my child, or children if the Lord is willing down the road, to have as wonderful a childhood as I had. And I don't want the other Mom's that I'm around to judge me on the type of mother that I am. "How could you not have this for your baby?" "Why don't you do this?" There is so much STUFF out there for Mom's and baby's and I'm thinking I want the bare essentials. Crib, rocker, diapers, food, a basket full of toys later etc. I had a laundry basket of toys in my closet. And that was it. When I got older I got a little table to go in my room where I could draw and color and finally my big dollhouse, but that was it. When new toys were purchased or given to me as gifts they were put in storage and every few months my Mom would rotate them out. I always had "new" toys that way. I don't judge other people on how they raise their kids, even if I can't help but wonder
how they have them in the first place, and I don't want people to judge me. I lived in homemade dresses and goodwill clothes until I was in school. I was an adorable kid to be honest, not to toot my own horn. I don't want to have to feel like if I don't shop at Carters or wherever that my kid is missing out. I'm sorry I'm not paying full retail for something they're gonna grow out of in a week. I just have my own ideas on how to raise my child. You can raise yours differently, but please don't tell me that I can do it my way but it's wrong. I'm a make my own mistake kind of person. If my ways are a mistake, I'll fix them. My child will be well taken care of.
Whoa, whadda rant! Sorry!! Hormones!
As of this writing I am 7 weeks, 6 days. I turn 8 weeks [or "flip" as some people call it] on Thursdays. I told my best friend today that this pregnancy has already felt like it's lasted a million years. Probably because I've had to live the 7th week twice.
Things that are different this time? Everything. Everything, no joke. From the way we feel, to the way our parents are reacting, to how I'm feeling. It's all different this time. My Mom said it best to my brother in law's girlfriend when we were all together on Sunday. The moment we found out last time, there was this heavy dread that came with it. This time it's all joy. To say that the miscarriage was a surprise would be a lie. We almost expected it from the moment we found out. Nothing went right during our first pregnancy. And so far this go around, everything is different. That calms our nerves.
So now the real fun begins. Our baby's room is currently our storage room. You can barely open the door. I've got to purge half of what's in that room and get it transfered to an outbuilding that Aaron's Dad is going to let us use. The room needs to be painted. Actually both bedrooms are getting a color change. I want to add ceiling fans to both bedrooms too. Then there is nursery planning and old furniture painting.... it's going to be fun to see how chic I can make my little's room on a tiny budget. I am also planning on consignment and goodwill shopping like crazy for baby things. I'm not a brand loyal person. I'm a whatever is the cheapest but is still very effective person. I don't need brand new. I need "works." There are some great consignment shops around that I can't wait to go into and start collecting clothes and things for my baby!
Do we have any inclination as to what this baby is? Well... my Mom had long had the belief that our first child is a boy. And during the first pregnancy, I felt like it was a boy. But from the instant I saw a positive sign on that test I've felt like it was a girl. I dreamed last night we had a girl and when I told Aaron about it this morning he said he felt like it might be a girl too. Wouldn't that be something? The idea of Aaron being Daddy to a little girl almost melts me straight onto the floor. That would be too precious. But a little boy to dress up like Aaron on Sunday mornings... oh how cute would that be?! We are planning on having the "Harmony" test done at our next appointment - which is the 25th of February. This test checks for lots of different abnormalities and also tells you your baby's gender at 11 weeks. It's all in the chromosomes, kids. So that's exciting. Name picking has been a booger. We can't agree on anything. We have it narrowed down to a few names, but we haven't picked anything yet. It would be horrible to go through life with the wrong name, so we want to get this right.
How is Tabby reacting? Well, I think she knows something's up. But there's no physical changes to me, as of yet, not really anyway, and so she doesn't see anything different. Aaron's concerned about her once baby is born, but I think she will do just fine. It may take her a little bit to get used to all my attention most of the time being on the tiny human, but I have faith in my baby dog that she will settle into the role of big sister as easily as she settled into the role of master of this house.
So that's our big news! We are pregnant! We couldn't be happier! At this point, I'm resting a ton, keeping my feet up, chugging lots of water, and binge watching hours and hours of Netflix in between keeping my house running and our clothes clean. Thank you for all your love, your hope, your prayers... please, continue to pray for us. We are still in the fragile state and having already lost one baby, the fear is still there that it could happen again. While I don't believe it will, I know that nothing is in my control. Thanks for taking the time to read this long, chatty post. There's so much to talk about when you're talking about pregnancy, especially when it's your first post and you're updated for a couple of months worth of happenings! I'm excited for what's in my future, and certainly can't wait to meet my little dumpling in person!
